he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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