Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
