So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
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After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
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One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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