I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
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