Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
