Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
No subtext here. People are naked.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
