it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
BRING THE BAGELS
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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