my sisters under your porch take her home
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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