He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
