I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
