I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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