She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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