Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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