At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
