Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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