I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
