You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
