his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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