forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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