If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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