well I can't set my house on fire every night
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
