I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
