Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
