Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
