why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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