dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i just wanna soil my oats bro
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
