She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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