Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
