there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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