Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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