there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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