you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
