I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
