Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
don't judge my taste in strippers
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
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