I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
i think im in europe. pls send help
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
