just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
