i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
