After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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