I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
