It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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