wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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