after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
