I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
