Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
