It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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