what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
We left the knife in your bed.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
