i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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