i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
