doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
