You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
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standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
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Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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