is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
