There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
