it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
