I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
