So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
