So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
