none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
should my penis look like a turkey
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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