i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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