I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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