i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
