Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
