fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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