If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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