Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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