Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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