you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
