shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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