I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
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