after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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