you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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