the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Randomize
