woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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