dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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