Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
