Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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