Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
